When a Committed Relationship is On the Brink

When a couple is in crisis, it can feel frightening, confusing, and disorienting — especially when one person is unsure about continuing the marriage and the other wants to work on it.

Discernment Counseling is designed for couples who are on the brink of separation or divorce, or who feel uncertain about whether traditional couples therapy is the next right step. It offers a structured space to slow down, take a breath, and look carefully at the choices ahead.

Three Possible Paths

1. Stay as things are for now.

2. Move toward separation or divorce.

3. Commit to 6 months of focused couples therapy to work on the relationship with both partners fully participating.

This approach is especially helpful when one partner is “leaning out” of the relationship — unsure whether change is possible — while the other is “leaning in,” hoping to rebuild and restore the marriage.

THE GOALS of Discernment Counseling is to help the couple gain clarity and the confidence about the direction of the marriage and develop a deeper understanding of how the relationship reached this point-including how each person may have contributed to the difficulties.

Each person is treated with compassion and respect, no matter where they are in their commitment to the marriage. There are no “good guys” or “bad guys.” The process honors both the reasons one partner may feel done and the hope the other may still carry.

What to Expect

You attend together as a couple, but much of the important work happens in individual conversations with the counselor. These conversations give each person the space to speak freely and confidentially about their experience in the marriage, reflect on the impact of their own behavior and choices within the relationship, and more fully consider their partner’s experience and point of view.

Discernment Counseling is not intended to solve all of the relationship problems right away. Rather, it offers a structured process for understanding what brought the marriage to this critical point, gaining awareness of patterns that have shaped the relationship, and clarifying what each partner may need to take responsibility for moving forward.

That understanding can become an important foundation for future work on the marriage if the couple chooses to pursue it, and can also be meaningful personal learning that each person carries forward, whatever path is chosen.

Brief and Structured

Discernment Counseling typically involves one to five sessions. The first session is usually two hours; and follow-up sessions are generally 90 minutes to two hours. At the end of each session, we decide together whether another session would be helpful or whether you are ready to move forward with one of the three possible three paths.

Discernment Counseling Is not a Good Fit When

• One partner has made a final decision to divorce and wants counseling to encourage the other spouse to accept the decision.

• One partner is threatening, coercing, or attempting to force the other to participate.

• There is domestic violence or concerns for either person’s safety.

• There is an Order of Protection from the court.